It was Santa, Not Osama!

(This post originally appeared in Socyberty on May 4, 2011. Socyberty was one of the websites owned by Triond, an online writing site that was active in online publishing around 2007 to 2013. On the same day, I wrote a short introduction about the Socyberty post right here in my blog. That intro provided a back link to that post at Socyberty. I took this down (or reverted to draft) when Triond's multiple sub-sites completely shut down in 2016. Who wants broken links, anyway?  Lately, I have started  retrieving my posts from Triond 's sub-sites through the Internet Archive: Wayback Machine so I can give them a new home.)


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This morning I saw a little girl crying, so I asked her what was wrong. She said that she heard someone on TV say: "Oh, Santa is dead." I stood there quite perplexed why would anyone on TV say Santa is dead? Then the proverbial light bulb above my head lit up. She had heard someone say "Osama is dead", not Oh Santa is dead.

Photo credits: Santa, Osama

I tried to reassure the child that they were talking about someone else, not Santa, but she was not convinced. "He had the hat and beard it was Santa!!!", she said most emphatically, and I began to wonder. Sure, the colors are different: gray-bearded Santa versus dark-bearded Osama, but maybe this little girl was on to something. Let's look at the facts, shall we?

Where does Santa live? That's easy — the North Pole, but has anyone ever seen or photographed Santa's place? No. Where might Santa be then? Who's to say that he wasn't hiding in a compound in Pakistan? Perhaps that's where he really lives and has his workshop. Who would suspect that? After all, Pakistanis don't even believe in Santa, do they?  What a perfect place to hide. Sure, he had to give himself a different look so people wouldn't recognize him — change hats, dye the beard, cultivate that "I'm a homeless guy" image. Maybe Santa's not even really fat? OK, overweight — let's be kind. Maybe it's all padding that he takes off when he's done with the once-a-year Santa gig.

Think of how devious al-Qaida must’ve been to come up with this plan — tricking US special forces into whacking the Claus, but you know, this kind of makes sense. They swoop in with helicopters, kill who they think is Osama, then get hit with the ugly truth. “Oh my God, we really screwed up! We just killed Santa Claus!” Well, they certainly can’t leave Santa’s body lying around, so off it goes into one of the choppers. Maybe the other chopper wasn’t even really blown up, but hit a flying reindeer and crashed. Where to dump the body so no one will find it? Why, the ocean of course.

If you look closely at the news reports coming out of Pakistan, you can see crying elves (no, I said elves, not Elvis – this article deals with facts, not fiction) in the background, wandering around aimlessly – asking for handouts now that they are unemployed. I think there was even a shot of an empty sleigh.  What does this mean for us? Well, maybe that little girl was right, and maybe she wasn’t. We’ll just have to wait till Christmas time to find out the truth, won’t we?



THOR (2011) -- A Movie Review

If you have ever liked comic books and/or had a thing for superheroes, then Thor is a movie that  is tailor-made for you.

Chris Hemsworth did a wonderful job as Thor, son of Odin. You may remember Chris as Captain Kirk’s doomed father George Kirk in Star Trek (2009). Anthony Hopkins plays Odin, who is not a cannibal in any way like he was when he played the role of Dr. Hannibal Lecter in Silence Of The Lambs (1991). For those of you not in the know, Odin and his son Thor live in Asgard, one of the nine worlds in Norse mythology. I won't include any plot spoilers here.


The story is archetypal in that it has all the elements of a classic tale: an evil villain, a wrestling match with one’s conscience, issues of maturity, and good guys versus bad guys, just to mention a few. The special effects are most excellent. It also has its share of funny moments to get the audience laughing. The plot is straightforward, with little clues that you may or may not notice that leave the door open for sequels. The movie plot is actually intertwined with the Iron Man movie franchise. If you have seen Iron Man 2, you may remember that at the end there is a quick shot of Thor’s hammer, so I suspect that further intertwining is inevitable.

All in all, this movie is good clean fun — a great movie to bring your kids to see, as well as to enjoy yourself.



 

Whale Skeleton in Silago, Southern Leyte -- the First on Leyte Island

The whale skeleton is the first in Leyte, hence, Silago is one ideal destination for educational trips among students in the provinces of Leyte and Southern Leyte. The locals refer to the whale skeleton as bukog sa dakong isda (bone of a big fish).

The dead whale was seen on the shore of Silago in 1996, and this was preserved by the local officials and the community. It is now available for public viewing at the town's children's playground.


Aside from showcasing the first and the only whale skeleton on Leyte island, Silago is also known as the last seat of the remaining evergreen lowland dipterocarp forest in Leyte. I am placing here a link to my article Sights and Scenery Around Silago, Southern Leyte, Philippines for more photos of Silago.

Three Words Rejected By Triond

I recently submitted a movie review on Black Swan to Triond. Before it was accepted for publication, I had to edit it 5 times because of profanity and spelling errors. I know that that article has a slim chance of being visible in Google Search insofar as article length is concerned; however, I insisted to write it that way because the style itself spoke of how I felt and how I feel about the movie.


The review uses 28 words only. I personally think that the movie can be told in a series of words and does not need a series of long sentences and paragraphs. Anyway, here are the three words rejected by Triond: girly, lesbo, masturbate. In the review, girly became girlish, the phrase hot lesbo sex became lesbian sex, and masturbate became masturbation

Update:

Since Triond completely shut down in 2016, I have started recovering my old posts from the site. The original review - uncensored, in 29 words - can be
found here.

A Royal Prophecy of Doom

Note: The following story blends history, rumor, and royal legend. Its claims should be taken with a grain of salt.

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Conspiracy theories abound, and herein lies one of the most important but least known facts: the true reason behind British royals, up to now, only marrying other royals.

On Friday, 29 April 2011, Prince William is set to marry Kate Middleton. With all the planning involved, I certainly extend to the couple my best wishes and hope that everything goes off “without a hitch.”


Why, for so long, did British royals only marry other royals? Was it solely for political and economic alliances? There is a lesser-known fact -- a secret, really -- steeped in superstition and known only within the confines of British royal society: a centuries-old curse. A dark prophecy warns of apocalyptic consequences should a British royal ever marry a non-royal.

This article first appeared on Socyberty, a site under Triond.



Sounds far-fetched, to be sure, but consider the following:

In Winchester in 1087, King William had a survey created to list the ownership and worth of his kingdom. People of the time referred to it as the Domesday Survey, rumored to be the very Royal Prophecy of Doom to which I refer. King William died that same year.

Hints suggest that this shadowy bit of lore was passed down from monarch to monarch by word of mouth.

On 22 September 1327, the former King Edward II was brutally murdered in his cell in Berkeley Castle by having a red-hot soldering iron plunged into his bowels. What history does not record is that he was being tortured for information regarding this same Royal Prophecy, which he steadfastly refused to divulge. Was his successor contemplating marrying a commoner?

On Valentine’s Day 1400, the deposed King Richard II was hacked to death by eight assassins with axes in his prison at Pontefract Castle, on the orders of his usurper, King Henry IV. It’s said this was an attempt to secure information about the Royal Prophecy. Was King Henry IV also contemplating marrying a non-royal?

More intriguing still is a 1503 poem (celebrating the union between James IV and Margaret Tudor) rumored to quote part of the prophecy itself:

Original Dialect Version:
FOR GIFE THOW DOIS, HURT IS THYNE HONESTY
CONCIDDERING THAT NO FLOUR IS SO PERFYT.

Modern Version:
FOR IF YOU DO, HURT IS YOUR HONESTY
CONSIDERING THAT NO FLOWER IS SO PERFECT.

Perhaps the most compelling evidence came on 10 December 1936, when Edward VIII signed the instrument of abdication, paving the way for him to marry the non-royal Wallis Simpson. Did he abdicate to enjoy a long life (which he did -- living another 36 years, dying in 1972)? What did he fear if, as a king, he married a non-royal?

Is it only the monarch who fears the curse of the Royal Prophecy of Doom?

On Halloween 1955, Princess Margaret, third in line to the throne, declared that she would put duty before love and not marry (non-royal) Peter Townsend. Was she afraid of the consequences of marrying a non-royal if she were ever to ascend the throne?

It is my fervent wish that the happy couple’s wedding this coming Friday is a beautiful and joyful celebration.

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Disclaimer: This article is a work of speculative folklore. While it references real events and figures, the so-called “Royal Prophecy of Doom” is not supported by verified historical records. It is intended for entertainment purposes only.