(This post originally appeared in Socyberty on May 4, 2011. Socyberty was one
of the websites owned by Triond, an online writing site that was active
in online publishing around 2007 to 2013. On the same day, I wrote a short introduction about the Socyberty post right here in my blog. That intro provided a back link to that post at Socyberty. I took this down (or reverted to draft) when Triond's multiple sub-sites completely shut down in 2016. Who wants broken links, anyway? Lately, I have started retrieving my posts from Triond 's sub-sites through the Internet Archive: Wayback Machine so I can give them a new home.)
-----
This morning I saw a little girl crying, so I asked her what was wrong. She said that she heard someone on TV say: "Oh, Santa is dead." I stood there quite perplexed — why would anyone on TV say Santa is dead? Then the proverbial light bulb above my head lit up. She had heard someone say "Osama is dead", not Oh Santa is dead.
I tried to reassure the child that
they were talking about someone else, not Santa, but she was not convinced.
"He had the hat and beard — it was
Santa!!!", she said most emphatically, and I began to wonder. Sure, the
colors are different: gray-bearded Santa versus dark-bearded Osama, but maybe
this little girl was on to something. Let's look at the facts, shall we?
Where does Santa live? That's easy — the North Pole, but has anyone ever seen or photographed
Santa's place? No. Where might Santa be then? Who's to say that he wasn't
hiding in a compound in Pakistan? Perhaps that's where he really lives and has
his workshop. Who would suspect that? After all, Pakistanis don't even believe
in Santa, do they? What a perfect place to hide. Sure, he had to give
himself a different look so people wouldn't recognize him — change hats, dye
the beard, cultivate that "I'm a homeless guy" image. Maybe Santa's
not even really fat? OK, overweight — let's be kind. Maybe it's all padding
that he takes off when he's done with the once-a-year Santa gig.
Think of how devious
al-Qaida must’ve been to come up with this plan — tricking US special forces
into whacking the Claus, but you know, this kind of makes sense. They swoop
in with helicopters, kill who they think is Osama, then get hit with the ugly
truth. “Oh my God, we really screwed up! We just killed Santa Claus!” Well,
they certainly can’t leave Santa’s body lying around, so off it goes into one
of the choppers. Maybe the other chopper wasn’t even really blown up, but hit a
flying reindeer and crashed. Where to dump the body so no one will find
it? Why, the ocean of course.
If you look closely at
the news reports coming out of Pakistan, you can see crying elves (no, I said
elves, not Elvis – this article deals with facts, not fiction) in the
background, wandering around aimlessly – asking for handouts now that they
are unemployed. I think there was even a shot of an empty sleigh. What
does this mean for us? Well, maybe that little girl was right, and maybe she
wasn’t. We’ll just have to wait till Christmas time to find out the truth,
won’t we?
No comments:
Post a Comment